Sketches - Andy Bloggs

This is for use at Christmas. It challenges the ideas of our 'grab-it' generation. Audience participation is required.

Notes

You need three people for this sketch:

The narrator who reads all the script except the bits in double quotes (") and those in bold.
The actor, who does all the acting by himself and says the bits in double quotes. He can involve anyone in the congregation he likes and go anywhere he likes. This person should be a fairly lively person.
The sound effects person. All they have to do is hold up A3 sheets of paper (or swap overheads) with the words in bold on when they appear in the script.

Preparation

Write the word in the boxes onto large bits of card or OHP so that the audience can read them at the appropriate time.
Practice with the narrator and the actor.
In the service, explain what the audience have to do and give them a quick run through of the first line.

The Story of Andy Bloggs

Andy is a normal bloke; he has a nice home, a nice car BRMM BRMM , a nice job and a nice cat MEOW.

Andy is happy with life, but he often says to himself: "Self, I could really do with a break in life. If I had loads of money, it would be, problems ZERO, happiness, 600".

So, Andy decided to buy some lottery tickets - and every week it would be: "Give us some of your lovely lottery tickets please".

Every Saturday evening it would be: Mystic Meg BOOO.

But every Saturday he was disappointed.

This continued for some time.

One day, however, he got lucky; he won 14 MILLION. He was quite pleased.

To celebrate, he took his work mates to the pub GLUG GLUG GLUG. Unfortunately, he got drunk and was late back.

His boss, who was now poorer than Andy, was not very pleased so an argument started. Andy resigned his position; "I don't care no more, so you know what you can do with your BEEP, BEEP, BEEP job".

Back home life was getting better. He had a bigger house which was very comfortable. He had a flash car which didn't need go-faster stripes OOOOOOH.

Unfortunately, most of his friends had been his work mates, and he didn't see much of them any more. And his new neighbours, who had worked very hard to get their big houses, didn't seem all that friendly AAAAAH.

So Andy drove his car BRRRRM, and stroked the cat MEOW, and stroked the cat MEOW and drove the car BRRRRM.

Then Andy got very sad. So he started to drink a bit, and sing a bit "La la la", and spend a lot.

Eventually, Andy woke up one day and realised two things. Firstly, he had a headache UUUURR, and secondly, he was poor. He would have to sell the luxurious house, sell the fast car BRRRRM, and maybe even sell the cat MEOW.

Times were tough AAAAAH. He decided to get himself a job. He got a job as a security guard. He was a security guard on a farm BAAA BAAA.

It was cold out on the hillside at night OOOOOH. He didn't even have his cat to keep him company. But he did have a sheep dog called Paul WOOF.

He would spend many happy hours stroking Paul WOOF and watching the stars.

One evening, Paul noticed a star that seemed bigger than the rest and he said WOOF to Andy. They both watched as it got bigger and bigger, closer and closer. It seemed to be hovering over the church down in the village.

As Andy watched the scene, he began to feel sleepy, and sleepy, and, asleep. And he began to dream. And there was a voice.

Andy. "Yeeees". Where is that gift you had, the 14 million? "All gone, all gone now, I spent it all, I'm poor now".

Andy. "Yeeees". Do you want another 14 million? "Yes please, then I could buy, then I could...I spent it all, s'all gone now. I hate that money. That gift was no good".

Andy, do you want another gift? "What sort of gift?"

The gift of me. Of Love without an end. Of help whenever you need it. Of Joy that you can't understand or explain. Of courage when you feel weak. Of hope for now and forever. That is my gift and it is me. "Yeeees, I'll have that gift, but what do I do?

See that church down there. "church, never been in a church". Go down and I'll meet you there. Now, its time to wake up WAKEY, WAKEY.

*** END ***