Sketches - African Chemist

Use at any time in a missionary context. The point is to show how much medicines cost in the 3rd world. The customer behaves like he is from the 1st world, whereas the chemist serves him from a 3rd world context.

Notes

You need two people for this sketch:

  1. The chemist, in white lab coat.
  2. The (highly perturbed) customer.

Preparation

  1. Learn the script.
  2. A table with some medicines on it, particularly 1 aspirin, 1 bottle of aspirin, plain plastic bag, calculator.

With the chemist himself behind the counter a man walks in...

Man Aspirin please.
Chem Certainly sir, how many?
Man Just one should be alright.
Chem Here we are then [puts single aspirin on table], one aspirin, that'll be...
Man Hang on a minute, I didn't mean one aspirin, I want a whole bottle.
Chem A whole bottle, .... what a whole bottle, full you mean?
Man Yes, of course, is there a problem with that....?
Chem No, no sir, well, here you are, a whole bottle of aspirin [takes away single aspirin, puts bottle on table].
Man Fine, how much do I owe you?
Chem That'll be 250 Afros please.
Man What? 250 what?
Chem Afros sir. Did you not know that at midnight last night Britain left the EU and joined the AU, the Africa Union. Good-bye EUROS, hello AFROS!
Man Well, I only have pounds.
Chem Oh you can still pay by pounds for the time being sir.
Man Okay, how much then?
Chem Let me see, that'll be £175 please.
Man [shouts] £175!
Chem Yes sir, would you like a bag?
Man [shouts] £175!
Chem Its a very nice bag.
Man I haven't got £175!
Chem Well. I'm sorry sir but the UK has had to align it's economy with Africa's. In Africa medicines are very expensive in relation to average earnings.
Man But that's ridiculous!
Chem Well sir, may I suggest a compromise?
Man Go on then.
Chem [Puts bottle away and gets out single aspirin]. You don't really need 50 aspirin do you?
Man Well, I suppose not. How much for one then?
Chem Well, I'll just get my special AFRO calculator [does some tapping]. Yes, that will be £4 please.
Man £4 - are you sure?
Chem Positive, would you like a bag?
Man Yes I would!
Chem [puts single aspirin in large plastic bag] Here you are then, that'll be £5 please.
Man £5, you just said £4.
Chem Yes, but you've got a nice bag now, haven't you.
Man Right, that's it! Good-bye! [Slams bag down on counter and stomps off]
Chem [Pause]. Cuh, tut, some people just don't know the value of things, do they!

***END**

Copyright (C) Mark Wheadon, 2000.